tehmiho's Xanga

>>rockstars of the foodies

Fri, 28 Nov 2008 06:10:21 GMT

Every year about the same time I get the urge to cook. I don’t know if it’s because I rediscover episodes of Anthony Bourdain, No Reservations on my computer or cos it’s Thanksgiving in the US, but I just want to cook, and stuff I usually wouldn’t make. This time around it’s desserts. I’m really pissed off at my local woollies cos they have nothing that I need to make my next concoction: Lime and raspberry cheesecake with an audible base. You shall be told why audible once it’s made and eaten.

>>flew the coop

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 16:00:15 GMT

I hate times like these. I can’t sleep even though I’m exhausted cos all I do is lie in bed and think about how I really don’t want to be me. My life is generally good, I have a fantastic boyfriend that would go to the ends of the earth for me, friends that will be there no matter what and parents that support me in everything I do, but I still just lie there and think about how easy it would be to run away. I worked out earlier that it would only cost me a little over $1000 to change my name and move away from here, leaving everyone and everything behind and starting over. I was actually really relieved to find how easy it would be to disappear.

I don’t know why, but when I thought about Alix, my parents and my friends, I thought “They’d probably be worried for a while if I just left without a word, but I honestly don’t care cos they’d get over it. I just don’t want to be me anymore. I just want to cut all ties and start with a clean slate.” Does thinking that make me a selfish person? I just want to go somewhere I won't be found and be left alone with nothing to tie me to the life I’m living right now. I even know what I'd change my name to.

I guess everyone has their own version of pure freedom, and this is mine.

>>5 days

Sun, 16 Nov 2008 19:22:44 GMT

Just heading home from Alix's after spending every second with him from Wednesday night to Monday morning. He took Thursday and Friday off work for the Wrath of the Lich King expansion launch on Thursday night and we've basically just been levelling our toons, Death Knights included. Met some awesome people at the launch party as well, including Chris's clone, LOL. Alix and I stood in line for about 2 hours just chatting and making jokes with Nick then he won the dance contest by doing the male Tauren dance and Alix won the raffle so Nick and I ended up with collectors editions of WotLK. He plays horde too so I might have someone to help me level and I might actually be able to stick with a horde toon for once!

My 5 days with Alix were awesome, despite him being in a really bad mood on Saturday night. Simon was over as well and he took off after we finished the dungeon we were in despite it being about 2.30am. Alix was basically silent till he realized I was right over the other side of the bed. He was really worried he had me scared and honestly I was a little scared. This was a side of Alix I'd never seen, but he'd told me about. This was the scary, intimidating Alix from high school but I didn't want to just back off and let it run it's course cos it's still Alix. I know he's not going to hit me or do anything to hurt me, so even when he's like that, I want to be with him. I want to know every aspect of him, good and bad, and I don't care that his best friend and sister have seen him like that and backed off, I'm not them. I'm the girl that's in love with him and is willing to take the good with he bad.

Apart fom that little blow out it was the best 5 days I've had for as long as I can remember. I had so much fun and I know now that Alix and I can spend more than just a weekend together and not want to murder one another, LOL.

>>PA overload

Fri, 31 Oct 2008 06:22:43 GMT

Just finished the 2nd episode of Rain-slick Precipice of Darkness (the Penny Arcade game), so awesome. It's one of those games you first get just cos you love Penny Arcade, then when you start playing it, you realise you also love the game. The writing and art are awesome (go Gabe and Tycho) and the animation is perfectly quirky for what you'd expect from Penny Arcade, Hot Head studios did a great job capturing the aesthetic. Might I also add that you get to beat up people you'd want to beat up in real life. Episode one, it was mimes and hobos. Episode two, it's mental patients in an asylum and the Mac fanboy from the comic, Charles. I hate that guy. I'm not anti-Mac by any stretch of the imagination (I'm typing this on my iMac ffs) but that guy is way too overzealous. Fucking awesome that Twisp and Catsby make an appearance as well.

PS Rofl, my spell check wanted to chance hobos to homos

>>turn, turn, turn

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 09:43:35 GMT

Heading to bed soon, just typing out a quick post seeing it's been a few days. I ended up going home on Monday when I threw up at work and didn't get back till yesterday only to be yelled at over something that happened last week when I was home with the flu and therefore, isn't my fault. So I'm looking for another job. Red Cross has an opening coming up soon and what I'm doing now would actually make me happy to work there again, so I'm applying as soon as I get word that applications are open.

Also, meeting Kour tomorrow night seeing he's visiting Brisbane this weekend, so I'ma have 4 boys here on Friday night (Alix, Kour, Krid and Simon) even though all I want is a weekend with Alix and be otherwise left the hell alone. Oh well, I'm sure it'll be fun if I can wake up properly.

>>sick, poor and hungry

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 21:25:04 GMT

Back at work for the first time since the 10^th and I’m thinking I shouldn’t be here. I feel like my head is about to drop off due to the sheer weight of whatever is blocking it all up. My ears are still blocked so I can hardly hear people on the phone and even thinking about moving more than just typing sends signals to my brain that it hurts. Also, coughing quite loudly in a fairly quiet office doesn’t seem to be going down well. I kinda wish I had one of those little basement offices with only 3 or 4 other people to work with every day and they’d gotten so used to my weirdness that it didn’t matter if I was sick or not, I was still just Beck. Here, I’m a leper. It’s quite hard to muffle a cough at the best of times, it’s impossible to muffle what sounds like a Mack truck with a broken axle speeding hell for leather down a gravel road. I know everyone is going to be bugging me not to smoke today, but I really don’t give a shit. I need nicotine to bring myself back to some semblance of what I was before I got this hell flu, so I’m gonna smoke dammit.

It doesn’t help that I seem to have put on weight as well so my shirt is bulging over my boobs. I only got these shirts 3 weeks ago too…

>>the first one

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 19:07:57 GMT

Just got on the train at Banyo so I'm typing this on my phone. I just had my first tiff with Alix over walking to the station. I thought he was gonna take longer so I opened the door to leave and he's called out asking me to wait. It wasn't what he said that that pissed me off, it was how he said it. He sounded like Sam when I wanted to do something and he thought it was stupid and implied was I stupid for wanting to do it. I've run out of room here so I'll finish my update when I get to work.

edit Ok, I’m at work now and a few things have happened to make me realise how stupid I was this morning. First of all, I couldn’t get in contact with my dad. I called his office and they said he’s in Brisbane. The last time he was in Brisbane unexpectedly, he had cerebral malaria and nearly died, so I was panicking till I checked the spam email here at work and he said there’s a cyclone brewing while he’s in Malaysia and that he’ll be out of contact. A minor ‘phew!’ but I’m still worried.

The second thing was a friend at work told me her and her boyfriend broke up on Sunday. They had a huge fight and she walked out after he grabbed her and left her with really bad bruises on her arm. Made me realise that I’m lucky to have a guy that would never treat me like that and I shouldn’t get shitty at him for a tone I think I hear and reminds me of someone that made my life a living hell and I haven’t had contact with for nearly a year.

So he’s forgiven. I just hope I am as well.

/edit

>>weekend round up

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 21:24:04 GMT

Well Tegan’s was pretty boring for me. I didn’t know anyone there so I was kinda left on my own. I kept telling Alix to go socialise with people that he’s known for years through Tegan, but he wouldn’t leave me on my own.

Sunday night was interesting. I was really tired so I decided to stay the night at Alix's instead of catching the train and we ended up talking about when his dad moves the company they both work at and where we’d be living. It was nice to have him basically say “I don’t want this to end and I’m assuming we’ll be together in 6 months time so we can talk about this kind of thing now.” I still feel like Alix and I are temporary or like we’re still testing the waters. I have no plans to break up with him and I don’t think he has any plans to break up with me, so I don’t see us ending any time soon if at all, but I can’t shake this feeling that our relationship will just run its course and fade away. I’m really hoping it doesn’t cos Alix and I are great together. He can put up with me being a grumpy, snarky bitch (e.g. Tegan’s party), make me crack a smile by just calling me sweetheart and just seeing him after a long, painful day at work makes it all worth it.

Dammit, now I want to give him a huge hug…

>>update from Alix's

Sat, 27 Sep 2008 23:12:07 GMT

This has been a weekend of tradeoffs. I went to Mum’s place on Friday night and had to put up with the creepy grandparents. I know it’s not nice to say that, but that’s honestly how I feel about them. They annoy me to the ends of the earth and they’re just all round pessimistic people. At least I got to see Yahtzee and my puppies and even Faith for once. She was surprisingly affectionate considering how independent she usually is. Then on Saturday Mum and I went shopping spent about 2 hours walking around just looking for a pair of jeans and she spent $400 on work clothes for me, so now I owe her that money. She then drove me to Alix’s which took way longer than it should’ve due to 2 traffic jams caused by nothing at all. There weren’t any car crashes for them to gawk at, none of the lanes were closed, people just slowed at these points for nothing. The whole time I’m just thinking “I just wanna see my boyfriend...”

When I got to Alix’s, I finally sprayed my Companion Cube and it turned out REALLY DAMN WELL (sorry about the blurry photo) so I’m happy about that. I also tried out doing a diamond that truemarmalade sent me, but it turned out REALLY crap so I need to ask him for some pointers on it. Anyway, when I finally went to bed at about midnight I couldn’t sleep cos Bella wanted to snuggle up to me while I was trying to get comfy so I’d move, then she’d move, then I’d have to move again and so on and so forth till I just threw her off the bed. After I’d fallen asleep she wanted to play so from about 7.00 am she kept pouncing right in front of my face and scaring me awake. I fell back asleep after she calmed down a bit and ended up being woken by Alix’s alarm at 9.00 am when we didn’t have to be awake till 10.00 am at least. So today I have to go to a party I’m not sure if I want go to... I’ll only know 3 of the 30 odd people that’ll be there so and it’s bowels. Ah well we’ll see how it goes. I’ll update about it tomorrow.

>>missing my bed

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 21:06:21 GMT

Had yesterday off because of a malaria relapse so I got some sleep at least and went to Tegan’s for her birthday last night so I stayed at Alix's and got some good sleep. Wish I didn’t have to get up at 5.20 am though, it’s about an hour sleep I miss out on when I’m at Alix's and that's not including the time that I spend awake with him before we go to bed. He’s staying at my place tonight which means he has to get up at 4.45 am but I won’t see him tomorrow night cos I’m going to my mum’s place for the night. I’m thinking of putting that off till next week though and spending Friday with Alix and just getting the stuff for Tegan’s birthday present tonight when I finish work. I get back to the city at about 4.30 and I know exactly what I need to get so chances are I can just get it all and take it to Alix's on Friday after work. Might be a bit suss that I have cans of spray paint at work though, lol.